Saturday, January 30, 2010

You Are A Bike Addict.......

Here are some common ways to know if you are addicted to bikes!

You know that you area bike addict if:

When a woman's measurements are mentioned it only reminds you of the new gear ratio you were considering.

You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

Instead of using milk on your cereal you use HEED.

Instead add electrolytes to your coffee.

Power Bars become part of your main course for all three meals.

You empathize with roadkill.

You wear your heart monitor to bed.

You experience bar end envy when spotting extenders longer than yours.

You're too tired for sex on Friday night but then pump out a five-hour century on Saturday AM.

Biker chick means black spandex, not skimpy leather and a Harley.

You hear that someone had a crash and your first question is "How's his/her bike?"

You crash and when someone stops to help you your first question is "How's my bike?"

You have more bikes than shoes.

You have more bike shoes than regular shoes.

Every time you pee you take note of your urine color to check your hydration.

Your investment in bike clothes is far more than in the rest of your wardrobe.

The "four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries" is for you.

You eat 10 times the daily recommended allowance of bananas, peanut butter, and bagel pieces.

You see a fit Lycra-clad hottie ride by, and the first thing you check out is her bike.

Despite all that winter weight you put on, you skim weight by buying titanium components.

You yell "On Your Left!" when passing another car.

Your bike has more miles then your car.

Your bike is worth more than your car.

You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.

Your car has bike racks on it's roof all year no matter the weather.

When you move the first thing you ask is "where is a bike shop?"

When you have company over you serve small cups of raisins, crackers, vanilla wafers, bananas, and electrolyte drink for appetizers.

You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

You have occasionally on accident mistaken your Assos cream for your hair gel.

You know what "Assos" cream is.

You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

You clean your bike(s) more then your car.

You oil your bike chain more than you change your car oil.

When it's to hot to mow the lawn you decide to ride for a century.

You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.

Your cars are outside of the garage because it's full of bikes and cycling gear.

You had to sell your dining room table to make room for the new bike.

Common Cycling Expressions Translated:

"It's not that hilly"

Translation: This climb lasts longer than and is as agonizing as extended childbirth. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over backwards. You don't have a 24 tooth granny gear? Hope you have a good knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey"

Translation: Hurry the F- up this is taking way too long!

"Nobody will get dropped on this ride"

Translation: See you at the finish whenever you get there you slow-ass.

"It's not that far"

Translation: It's really really far.

"The last part of the climb is just around the next switchback."

Translation: There are only 12 more switchbacks and extended straight climbs until the false summit. After that there are another 10 switchbacks until the wall before the top.

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