Worst album covers - Edition 1

One form of art that is always fun to look at is the artwork that accompanies music. I really don’t buy physical albums or CD’s really anymore in this day of the iPod, but still the cover art is fun to look at, if not many times perplexing and sometimes disturbing. Years ago I read a post about the worst album covers. I am inspired to create my own lists. Since there are so many horrible album covers out there, I have compiled the first five for my first edition of:

Worst Album Covers

#5

Larz-Kristerz 

"Stuffparty 1"

Coming in at number 5 for this first edition is Larz-Kristers and this great piece of work. Larz is a Sweedish band that must be pretty decent, as it appears they won the 2008 edition of “Dansbandskampen”, which any band would wet themselves to win I am sure. I have never been to Sweeden, and I know they have some cool wooden shoes there, but I draw the line at wooden hair. That’s just not cool. The guy in the middle though seems to still have his real hair, but I am sure the other members are working on his wooden hair back at the wood shop at the time this album picture was taken. Not sure myself what a “Stuff Party” is, but it sounds dubious if these guys will be there and I would not be attending.

#4

Boned

Up at the Crack

"Hey, is that a guitar in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Ha ha! That was too easy. Still, there must be more to this...they must be trying to say something with this cover. I guess it would depend on what they mean with the word “Boned” and if it is an adjective, noun, verb, or adverb. So, I consulted “boned” in the dictionary. You can read the definitions here but I could not find any there that fit the bill for this cover. The ever trusty Urban Dictionary, however proved to be more fitting this particular cover. Maybe “boned” refers to the state of mind of the people who thought of this cover. If so then definition number 17 of "Boned" fits the bill:

Boned

adjective; 

- Like when your mom finds a J and a lighter next to your bed.

Guy in picture: Shit dude, my mom found my stash! 

Photographer: Oh motherfucker your BONED! (clicks picture)

#3

Herbie Mann

"Push Push"

“This one time, at band camp... I put a flute in my...” Heh heh...yeah. Well, with Michelle at least it was sort of easy to imagine and not all hairy and nasty. This cover though just ruins the entire flute thing, so sorry, guys. I am quite sure that this is what the flute members of an orchestra look like after crawling back from the soup of the apocalypse. Like if that new movie “Book of Eli” had dudes with a flute instaid of a kick ass samurai sword, this is what you would wind up with.

# 2

Heino

Liebe Mutter...

So I see this cover and I immediately need to translate it stat. Via the interweb, I discover that “Liebe Mutter... ein blumenstraub der nie verwelkt” means something like “Dear Mother... a bouquet that never withers.”  Give mom plastic roses? Ok.  I initially though it meant, “Hello, I come to give flowers and eat your babies.” Thank God for babelfish. I also found out looking this up that the singer is actually a man. Oops, my bad. Overall though presenting a bouquet of flowers to your mom when you look like Norman Bates right before he slashes someone in the shower is just too freaky and worthy of this number two spot.

#1

The Handsome Beasts

“Beastiality”

Oh, boy. I am not even sure where to start. Squatting naked atop a mountain of swine excrement and sharp straw? First, I imagine that Jesus would not approve of this cover. Second, would you EVER see this in a store or would you want to? It is just working on so many levels of “wrong” that one has to wonder how this sort of thing can even make it off the manufacturing floor. Released in 1981, it is sure fire proof that the 1980's were a real MESS. I assume many youth of that day would not buy this lest their mom see it sitting in the shopping cart. “Beastiality?! ...Jimmy!!” Really, someone unfamiliar with this band would have to imagine the types of audio tracks that would be on this album, and that is just not good.  Who knows what these people were on or what they were thinking and we can only imagine what the back of the cover looks like. I find the sign particularly interesting. “Please Do Not Feed Animals.” Not “The animals?” Hmm.  I DO hope you weren’t thinking of eating. This cover made me forget all about it.